Since my last post our Dossier has made it to Ghana (praise Jesus), we also sent our sweet boy a care package, and we found our our awesome God has given us a referral of his own (I'm pregnant)! Its sooo much to take in, to say I am overwhelmed is an under statement. I'm trying not to think about how our lives are going to double change! Don't get me wrong this is 2 things we have prayed about for a long time, and we are extremely happy. However, if i was in control and planning this big picture i would have brought our sweet Ghana boy home then maybe considered having another baby. Clearly God thinks this way is better. If the adoption process has taught me anything it is DO NOT PLAN or think you have things under control. It seems every plan made has fallen apart and when i seem to have things in control and what i think is supposed to happen the exact opposite does. Perhaps this is God giving me a friendly reminder, it doesn't how much i plan and try to take control hes does in fact have this under control.
Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plan in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the lord that will stand.
Our adoption process so far as been very unique. Nothing seems to be going "typical" or "normal" and I can't lie its terrifying. I am the type of person likes things in order and routine, i must know whats going on and planning to happen. So as things this time are not going in a routine or in the typical process a lot of us know, i am asking you to pray for our family. In the back of my head i still have a fear of loosing this sweet boy. My heart can not take another loss. I need to find the courage and trust in God that I had in June when we started this journey. Obviously, I trust and have faith in Our AMAZING God, but i would be lying if i haven't asked "WHY" a lot these past few weeks. Not doubting our lords plans but sooo confused!
Psalm 28:7 The lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and i am helped; my heart exhaults and with my song i give thanks to him
We had it all planned out, we as a family would travel to file our i-600 in Ghana. We would meet our sweet boy. It is soo important to me to meet our sons biological mother. I want to know anything and everything she can tell me about him, their life, family ext. get pictures of all of us together. It was so important to me for me to tell her that her son will be very well taken care of, loved, taught about Jesus, will attend school, and that we would love to send her updates on him. The crucial bonding that i so desired for our family to gain with him on our first trip is now not going to happen. Since i am pregnant i can not get the yellow fever shot required to enter Ghana. So now are filing our I-600 stateside and only going to travel to pick him up probably only my husband. I just don't understand God reasoning for this......it means sooo much for me to be there and honestly I'm a bit depressed about it. I am trying hard to trust gods plan at this point. I know he knows whats best, but i am human and it is hard!
Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the lord; trust in him and he will act
In a few weeks we will send our biggest payment and this payment will be the last of our funds and it will still leave us owing 3,500. Plus travel cost. I should add that travel costs will be significantly less now that only my husband will be traveling and staying a much shorter time. I have faith our lord will provide he has guided and provided this far why would he forsake us now? He wont and i know that, still knowing the situation is scary! We have amazing friends several of you have donated hundreds of dollars, you are amazing, we are blessed and i pray one day we can repay you or at least pay it forward. You help me keep faith and its your kindness that keeps me going. I sit back and think about all the people have helped us from the beginning; T-shirts, Yard sells, my mom and mother in law making 20 plus cheesecakes, our salsaritas fundraiser and the random donations, I stand in awe. The bonds our process has created with people is amazing, the trust i have found in our Lord unimaginable. This process has definitely brought me closer to God. Perhaps his purpose? I just don't know what I have done in my life to be so blessed! I almost feel guilty, our amazing God has provided, provided, provided and i still wonder and question how we will get the last of money needed. I am so unworthy of his continuous, faithful, providing love and yet he keeps providing and loving us....another thing i will never be able to understand.
Psalm 107:1 Oh give thanks to the lord, for he is good for his steadfast love endures forever!
