This is picture baby girl brought home from school Wed. before we got "the email" Its me, her, baby Lucy (her cousin), Daddy, and her brother!
Where to begin? Typically when I sit down to write these blogs I have something exciting to share, kinda feels weird not having any "news" to write about. Friday we had appointments to go get our shots for over sea travel, because of the event that unfolded we decided to wait on them. We went to Alabama anyway and enjoyed a nice quiet weekend with the family. I must say it was a very nice weekend, the entire time down there I couldn't help but think about all our new friends we met b/c of Noah. I pray we can still keep contact with them.
After our initial shock and heartbreak baby girl has been the hardest to explain things to. Surprisingly she took it very well. Wednesday night during bedtime prayers I didn't pray for Noah. She said "mommy you forgot somebody!" I said "Noah? Mommy has something to tell you about Noah. Every night we pray Jesus will let Noah know he has a mommy, daddy and sister that loves him very much, right? Well, something cool happened!" Her face lite up and she said what?!?! I explained to her that Jesus found Noah's mommy and daddy. The lady that carried him in her belly. That they took him home so that they could have their little boy. That our prayer helped Noah find his mommy and daddy. Her face dropped and big crocodile tears came down her face and she said so hes not coming to be with us? I said no but right now as we say our bedtime prayers Jesus's is finding you a new brother. I said do you want to pray that he finds you a new brother? She said, "no thank you," gave me a goodnight kiss, rolled over and went to sleep. That as hard, her heart was broke!!!! Through the weekend we prayed Jesus would find her a new brother, but tonight she got me again. Before we started bedtime prayers she told me she wanted to pray for her picture she colored at school. I said OK what do you want to say about it? She said "that it comes true, that it will be me you and my brother all at baby Lucy's. I said "It will come true we just have to be patient. I bet Jesus already has you a brother picked out, and i can not wait to see him can you?" She said well mommy..I REALLY MISS NOAH! Her eyes started watering again. All I could say was me too, and continued with her bedtimes prayer. Tonight though she prayed Noah was happy and safe with his family, and that Jesus would find her brother soon. That's little girl has a pure heart of gold, everyday she amazes me!!
Great thing about road trips is you have time to think and talk about whats on your mind. Which this trip we had a lot to think and talk about. After a lot of thinking and talking to my husband and other families this has happen to by the same orphanage I have many concerns. This is not easy to get over. His little face keeps popping up everywhere in our house, car, computers, pinterest, phone..everywhere! It's hard to move on when you see that adorable smiling face everywhere, but I am at peace with knowing there is not a single thing that i could have done to change what happen. I have done something everyday since we found that sweet little boy to make sure we could bring him home as soon as possible. I very much so believe everything happens for a reason. I believe this reason is to bring attention to what is happening at that orphanage with the people who spend so much time and money there supporting it. Maybe they can be the change that will help other families from the heartbreak of loosing their child.
I would say back to square on one but I don't guess that would be right. I'm not sure what is the hold with our homestudy being completed but it should be complete any day now. Now i have to finish getting things ready to turn in with our dossier and wait for a new referral. Since all the hard stuff is over once we get one, it should move pretty fast I would think..but then again I have no idea what the good Lord has up his sleeve for us next! Our motto for our process has been "Gotta have Faith" from the start, and it will continue to be. We are not giving up or backing down because things got tough, If god sees us to it he will see us through it! I know with all my heart God has a plan for our family and I can not wait to see his master plan reveled <3
Some of you will immeditally know the pain our family is going through others may not, and I pray you never do. Tonight I was playing on my phone when I got a "Noah-tifcation" special sound when our agency emails us. First thing I read "Updates on D***** N*** my heart began to race..YES!! FINALLY WE WERE GETTING SOME UPDATES ON OUR SWEET BOY!! It defienitly was not the news that I wanted or I ever imagined that I would read.... " It is with great sadness that I write you today to let you know that one of D____ N___ parents have returned to him. They have removed him from the orphanage and he is currently in their care." I had to reread it a few times to make sure I wasnt day dreaming. I am heart broken.. Mostly all of you that read this will know I will do anything for anyone. Most of you do not know I guard my heart with a 10ft tall wall extremly cautious to comes in. I will admit I was very hesitant at first on letting this little boy in. I prayed and prayed and felt god gave me what I needed to let me know it was ok to let him in, so I did. This little boy has not been "some kid in Africa." He has been our Son and Bri's brother from the beginning. From the start we have loved him like our own, and prayed for him every night, with that love growing each fundraiser, donation given, or bit of precious information we learned about him from our friends in Alabama. As heartbroken as we are, we are trying to stay positive. We do not know how the sweet boy got to the orphange. There is an unkown number or possibilities that could have brought him there. I pray him being reunited with his family is a good thing, and I will continue to pray for him and his families well being each night! He will always be in my heart!Thats what happen...
WHATS NEXT?!?! ARE YOU STILL GOING TO ADOPT?!
The first question I asked our agency was "WHAT IF HE COMES BACK?" If by some chance he ends up back at the orphange he is ours. He will not go on any website or be referred to another family. We get the opprtunity to bring him home once again.
YES WE ARE STILL GOING TO ADOPTING!! God has always made me aware that he wants me to adopt. At this point I have no idea what Gods plan is for our family, but I do know he has a plan! We can cry and be heartbroken all we want but we can not loose faith! I am a firm believer if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. If N___ is ment to be our child he will be brought back to us. There must be a little boy or girl that needs us more. God will lead us to them when the time is right. I have no doubt God's timing will continue to be perfect. That does not make this any easier.
WHATS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD:
If they don't know who brought him or any of his background history..how do they know it was his parent that came and got him? If God has made it so easy, why has God taken it away? Is this going to happen again, with our next child? How do we tell Bri? DO WE tell Bri? It breaks my heart in billions of little pieces to think that he will never know how much he has been loved by so many people that he doesn't even know exsist! <--- That is the hardest part...he doesn't even know we loved him so much!!
As I have said 100 times we are heartbroken, the more i think about it i am mad! I know that we are not the only ones this has happen to. There should be a better way to make sure these kids a truly available before they are referred to families or put on websites, but we are not discouraged. I can not lie I am selfish I want him here with us, our God is Great and will provide the comfort and answers we need. With all of that being said I DO NOT need or want to hear any negitive comments. If you do not have anything nice to say do not say anything at all! I am serious no "I told you so", or "hope you learned your lessons." You will not discourage or change our mind about adopting again. We work on Gods time, he will guide us straight to our next child when the time is right just like he lead us straight to our sweet boy. I will continue to pray that i will understand gods reason for taking him away..
