Some of you will immeditally know the pain our family is going through others may not, and I pray you never do. Tonight I was playing on my phone when I got a "Noah-tifcation" special sound when our agency emails us. First thing I read "Updates on D***** N*** my heart began to race..YES!! FINALLY WE WERE GETTING SOME UPDATES ON OUR SWEET BOY!! It defienitly was not the news that I wanted or I ever imagined that I would read.... " It is with great sadness that I write you today to let you know that one of D____ N___ parents have returned to him. They have removed him from the orphanage and he is currently in their care." I had to reread it a few times to make sure I wasnt day dreaming. I am heart broken.. Mostly all of you that read this will know I will do anything for anyone. Most of you do not know I guard my heart with a 10ft tall wall extremly cautious to comes in. I will admit I was very hesitant at first on letting this little boy in. I prayed and prayed and felt god gave me what I needed to let me know it was ok to let him in, so I did. This little boy has not been "some kid in Africa." He has been our Son and Bri's brother from the beginning. From the start we have loved him like our own, and prayed for him every night, with that love growing each fundraiser, donation given, or bit of precious information we learned about him from our friends in Alabama. As heartbroken as we are, we are trying to stay positive. We do not know how the sweet boy got to the orphange. There is an unkown number or possibilities that could have brought him there. I pray him being reunited with his family is a good thing, and I will continue to pray for him and his families well being each night! He will always be in my heart!Thats what happen...
WHATS NEXT?!?! ARE YOU STILL GOING TO ADOPT?!
The first question I asked our agency was "WHAT IF HE COMES BACK?" If by some chance he ends up back at the orphange he is ours. He will not go on any website or be referred to another family. We get the opprtunity to bring him home once again.
YES WE ARE STILL GOING TO ADOPTING!! God has always made me aware that he wants me to adopt. At this point I have no idea what Gods plan is for our family, but I do know he has a plan! We can cry and be heartbroken all we want but we can not loose faith! I am a firm believer if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. If N___ is ment to be our child he will be brought back to us. There must be a little boy or girl that needs us more. God will lead us to them when the time is right. I have no doubt God's timing will continue to be perfect. That does not make this any easier.
WHATS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD:
If they don't know who brought him or any of his background history..how do they know it was his parent that came and got him? If God has made it so easy, why has God taken it away? Is this going to happen again, with our next child? How do we tell Bri? DO WE tell Bri? It breaks my heart in billions of little pieces to think that he will never know how much he has been loved by so many people that he doesn't even know exsist! <--- That is the hardest part...he doesn't even know we loved him so much!!
As I have said 100 times we are heartbroken, the more i think about it i am mad! I know that we are not the only ones this has happen to. There should be a better way to make sure these kids a truly available before they are referred to families or put on websites, but we are not discouraged. I can not lie I am selfish I want him here with us, our God is Great and will provide the comfort and answers we need. With all of that being said I DO NOT need or want to hear any negitive comments. If you do not have anything nice to say do not say anything at all! I am serious no "I told you so", or "hope you learned your lessons." You will not discourage or change our mind about adopting again. We work on Gods time, he will guide us straight to our next child when the time is right just like he lead us straight to our sweet boy. I will continue to pray that i will understand gods reason for taking him away..
Hopefully this comment does not come off as negative or not nice, but one of the first thoughts I had was "What about all the money and resources you have already put into this?" What I mean is, do you have to start over? Do you wait for the possibility that he returns? If you move on to another child, do you have to start from scratch or can you still use the things you have already worked on? I just usually tend to think from a perspective like that, I guess because I have been burned in so many ways throughout my life, my first thoughts go to the legal and the protection of what you have done already type of things. <3
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, we were able to "recycle" a lot of things - our homestudy was finished, we had multiple-entry visas for Ghana, etc. There were a few things that had to be updated (like our homestudy and our fingerprints) but at lesser cost or no cost.
DeleteIt would all depend on what God has in store - timing, country, etc.
I will say that God protected us financially through it all - so that we were able to complete our (second) adoption and not have it impact us negatively, despite our (first) failed one.
(Just thought I'd put in my two cents, since they might not feel up to it. :) )
Thanks! She is my friend so was a little worried about that. I know another couple who was trying to adopt and paid some of their money and the adoption agency closed on them. I don't know if they got their money back or not. I don't like the idea of companies taking advantage of people's love and longing. =( Very glad to hear that they should be able to use many of their things again!
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ReplyDeleteWe have been there, in a way. (We were at visa stage with our son Seth, only to be told that he had died on the way to the hospital after having chest pains....and then to find out 3 months later that it was a lie and he was back with his birth family.)
To anyone who may try to question you, your path, the "was it worth it" of it all...I would like to tell them "Just you wait and see."
Because of the pain we went through with Seth, we were able to become Jacob's family - a family who almost had a son, and a boy who almost had a family, all together. Does it get more God than that? :)
I'm so sorry for your NOW pain, though...
I sang this song to myself, through the tears, many times. I hope it will bring you some comfort too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7nn9Ay8gnA
Thank you both!! Jenn call me later :-) Exmish was your son also at Eugemot? You words are very encouraging! I am thankful we haven't invested a lot of money yet so that if we choose to switch agency's will be ok without a great loss. Right now we are looking into independent adoption and waiting on a referral from our agency. I'm going to continue gathering stuff for our dossier and filling out grants so we will be ready to go when we are brought to our new son!
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