OVER EVERTHING!!

Like i was saying in the  last post July 31, 2013 was a big step in our adoption process. I mailed our I-600 off stateside. *I-600 is an application for the Ghana government approving our adoption. LAST STEP! This is the last big step in international adoption world. It will either be your light at the end of the tunnel or where you get hit by the train. I just knew with all my heart we had the all the information we needed this would be easy. Other families were passing without any trouble very quickly, and we would too.
  
On August 15, our USCIS officer contacted me. She told me she received our paperwork and she was happy to have our case. She was so nice, she seemed to know what she was doing. This was so reassuring, I felt good about our conversation. My sweet boy was coming home before baby Logan was going to make his grand debut. That little voice of doubt in the back of my head had finally left. You see, it doesn't matter if it's your first adoption or your fifth, through every step of your process there is a little voice in the back of your head that's always asking "Will we pass this part?" "Is this REALLY what God has chosen for me?" "How long will this take?" "Is this really happening!?" 

August 21, ONE MONTH UNTIL BABY LOGAN IS DUE, BRI WAS JUST STARTING KINDERGARTEN AT A PUBLIC SCHOOL, our lives at this point is totally hectic! We were trying to adjust to the new school routine, finish the babies room, basiclly trying to stay as busy as possible to pass time waiting on that email saying we are approved! Our USCIS officer called me and told me she was sending me a RFE (request for evidence). This was not a big deal, it was expected. They have to ask for evidence in cases where the child has family living. I didn't mind, I wanted them to double check everything and make sure this is something the birth mother wanted. I wanted to make sure she couldn't provide for him and that we were the only hope for her son. What I specificlly remember her asking for was a birth certificate, she kept insisting us  to"get" a birth certificate. Isaiah was not born in a hospital, he does not have a birth certificate, if we "got" one we would of had to do it illegally and that's something we were not willing to do. We sent emailes back and forworth, and i emailed her the additional evidence we thought would satisfy her. I was getting frustrated, I know we weren't her first international adoption. I CALLED AND ASKED, just to make sure!! Why is this experienced lady demanding a birth certificate?!? She should know that this is very uncommon in African countries, WHAT THE CRAP IS HER PROBLEM!!!

September 9ish, 3 WEEKS UNTIL BABYS DUE DATE, I was huge, miserable i couldn't bend, sit, walk, or even stand in one position for longer than a few miniuets. My Dr. appointments at this point are every week to see how we are progressing to delivery. Sept. 9ish our officer called me and told me the evidence that we had sent in is not what she wanted that she was sending us a NOID (notice of intent to deny) our I-600. WHAT?!?! MY HEART STOPPED BEATING!! However, we had 30 days to get the specific things she needed or i-600 would be denied and we would be starting over. 30 DAYS ARE SERIOUS?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!  DID SHE NOT FREAKN LISTEN IN OUR LAST CONVERSATION..I'M FIXING TO HAVE A BABY!!! You know that feeling you get in your tummy when you drive over a hill entirely to fast. That's what I felt, I was nauseous, I felt like I was going to throw up. It was not possible for me to "get" what she wanted IN 3 WEEKS!!  

Just so happens I had made a very good friend that is very respected and wise in the adoption world. She worked closely with the embassy and previously for an agency that is in Ghana (a very good, trusted source). She told us to withdraw our filing of I-600 stateside and to file in Ghana. WHAT IN GODS PERFECT NAME DOES THAT CONSIST OF?!? OVVVEERR IITTT!! I thought we had to travel to file in Ghana?!? We could have done this in August OR MARCH!! MY SWEET BOY COULD BE HOME! She assured me to calm down that, we could file in Ghana without being there. She has recommended people to do it, it worked out perfectly for them. The government don't like it but they do make exceptions in special cases. She was sure with the baby coming we would have no problem, it was a special case. To be honest I was irritated I just wanted to relax and be pregnant. I was still watching 4 kids during the day working a few hours at Khols during the night. Taking and picking Bri up from school, packing her lunch everyday, on top of the normal stay at home mom responsibilities; cooking (3 meals a day) cleaning (nonstop from watching the kids), laundry, garden, plus all the yard work, dealing with my dad (another day) and being very pregnant now with another stress on my shoulders of the adoption. FYI: Yes, my husband helps when I let him, I just try and have stuff done before he gets home. I was over everything, discouraged, I just wanted to relax and be pregnant without all the other worries.

The following Tuesday was my next Dr. appointment. I prayed like a mad women that I had progressed along enough that we would have a better idea of when the baby was coming. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET INDUCED?" "SCHEDULE IT, IT WILL BE SO MUCH EASIER!" "WHY ARE YOU MAKING THINGS SO DIFFICULT ON EVERYONE" Yep, these are just some of the many things I heard before every Dr. appointment. I was over hearing about what I should do with my baby and my body. I am not one to change Gods plans. I fully believe a baby will be born when he says so. I fully trust the lords timing. I do not do c-sections and I do not get induced. I made that clear with my Dr. from the start. He didn't like it but he accepted.

That Dr. visit was the first "bad" Dr. apt I have ever had. At that moment in time he was about to tell me the worst thing ever! The baby had flipped and was breach. He double checked and even did an ultrasound to make sure. I put my clothes back on and he came back in the room and we talked about what would happen next...we needed to schedule a c-section. He said at 37 weeks pregnant the baby was to big to flip. I cried, and cried, and cried, and cried and UGLY CRIED. I was angry! I REFUSED! Of course he told me i couldn't refuse and gave me a "due date" and reasured me if he re-flipped we could cancel the c-section and go natural. 

That was it. That was the straw that broke the camels back, my tipping point i was over it, i was done!! I was exhausted mentally, physically,and emotionally. I was crabby and ugly to my husband, daughter and anyone who crossed my path none of which deserved it but they may have understood a little more if they realized the weight of the baggage I was carrying every day. I contacted the children's parents that I watched and told them I wouldn't be able to watch them anymore and I put my notice in at kohls and I sat, nothing more nothing less. I didn't care about the dishes, laundry, dinners, anything. I was tired and needed rest i only had 2 weeks left and that's EXACTLY what I was going to do..REST. During my resting days, I got advice from mommas in our community group and researched ways to flip a breach baby. I focused my time from the last Dr appointment to the next weeks appointment on prayer and doing every "home remedy" trick i could find and praying did i mention that? I talked to God morning, noon and night and every min in between. I did not want a c-section!! I refused to believe that this was Gods plan for me. Looking back I can say he gave me that scare because he knew I needed to rest.

In my time of rest and prayer I prayed a lot (not nearly as much as flipping that baby) about our I-600. Is this what we were supposed to do (file in Ghana)? If God wanted us to file in Ghana why didn't he lay that on our hearts and make it clear 6 months earlier?!? How would withdrawing from the stateside filing effect us? Would we look like we were trying to hide something? Would Ghana think badly of us? It was all so overwhelming and confusing. At this point, we never acted, just prayed and thought about what was the right thing to do. After all, the wrong decision could jeopordize our entire adoption! At one point I felt calm, at ease if you will. God, made it clear to me to focus on one thing at a time and the things that were right in front of me, SO i did. I focused on resting and my stubborn baby boy!